Friend of the Devil Part Three

PART THREE

Ted: You can deal first.

(death starts to deal the cards)

Death: so what is your dad’s name?

Ted: Jim, Jim Clark

Death: Hmmmm Jim Clark. Died December 5, 1996.

Ted: yeah how did you know?

Death: don’t ask stupid questions.

Ted: Oh right, you killed him I forgot. What was he like? Did you enjoy killing my dad?

Death:Took the whole dyeing this pretty lightly, wasn’t a little bitch like you are.

Ted: I think I’m handling this pretty well. You are the one who is bitching all the time. “Oh my job is sooo tough, my boss is an asshole, I had to kill the dinosaurs all by myself,”

Death: My job is tough! You think it’s fun making sure everything has to die? Every cat, every fly, every mole, every baby, every lizard, every rock star, I killed them all. I have to see them all die and I will always have to see them die. I can never stop. It’s not cool to be me. I work all the time because things die all the time. I know this statement is ironic but I have no life. All I do is work! You know when I’ll get my first ever day off? When the universe ends and you know what? I’m the one who has to kill the universe. Then I will be all alone nothing else to kill, but nothing to talk to no one to be with. Ever meet people who say “what is the point of life? We are just going to die anyways.” Well there ain’t any point in death either.

Ted: I’m sorry

Death: Yeah

Ted: So want to keep playing?

Death: Yeah

(They play for about ten seconds. The actors can improvise a few lines about cards if they want)
Ted: Can I ask you something?

Death: What?

Ted: Why don’t you quit?

Death: Quit what?

Ted: Being death. Just stop killing people

Death: If I stop killing people then there will be no point to having an entity of death. My existence is tied to things dying. If people stop dying then I stop existing. I may hate my existence, but I don’t want it to end.

Ted: I’m sorry. (Beat)
I’m not really mad at you for taking my father. I didn’t like him that much anyway.

Death: I didn’t like him ether. I know I made him sound like I liked him, but I was just trying to get you upset. If you want to make a guy upset tell him he doesn't live up to his father. If You want to make a girl upset tell her she is just like her mother.
(ted laughs)

Ted: My dad forced me to be a standup comedian.

Death: That’s weird.
To be continued