On My Way Back Home

On my way back home

Prisoner-about twenty four
Guard-mid fifties with a cop mustache

(The back of the stage is a wire fence with barbed wire on the top. People are waiting on the outside of the wire. The GUARD lets the PRISONER along with several other people fresh out of jail through a gate in the middle of the fence. All the people let out of prison meet their friends and family who were waiting for them except for prisoner. They are all very happy to see each other there are hugs and high fives exchanged. The GUARD sees that the prisoner has no one and comes over to talk to him.)

Guard: There is a bus that drops by every half hour.
Prisoner: Thanks

(PRISONER sits down against the gate and talks to the guard who is on the other side.)

Guard: So how does it feel to be free you little shit?

Prisoner: Well I’ve gone from being in a big house full of people who hate me, to a big world full of people who hate me.

(Guard laughs)

Guard: So you got any family?

Prisoner: They all hate me because I got arrested for bringing drugs over the border.
Guard: Well I can’t blame them. Friends?

Prisoner: They all hate me because it was their weed.

Guard laughs again, bigger this time. So where are you going to go?

Prisoner: I don’t know. I have enough money for a hotel. Stay there for a couple days. Look for a job.

I’ll try to get in touch with my parents. They like to hold grudges though.

Guard: Tell me about it. My parents caught me banging this Amish chick when I was seventeen. They threw me out of the house haven’t seen then since.

Prisoner: That’s a bit harsh.

Guard: Yeah well, I was Amish too.

Prisoner: Ha That sucks

Guard: I ended up marrying her.

Prisoner: Really

Guard: No. But I might as well have. I seem to be attracted to super religious women who drive me crazy. Never lets me do anything.

Prisoner: I seem to be attracted to women who convince me to pile a van up full on pot and drive it across state lines.

(Off stage there is a sound of an engine.)

Guard: There is your bus

Prisoner: yeah Well it was nice talking to you.

Guard: It was

(Prisoner starts to walk away)

Guard: wait

(he takes out a piece of paper and writes something on it)

This is my address stop by around eight and we’ll feed you dinner.

Prisoner: Are you sure you want to have dinner with a guy who just got out of jail.

Guard: Yeah it’ll drive the wife crazy